Ministry List

The “Toe” in Toeism stands for the acronym “Theory of Everything.” It’s the idea that all religions are essentially “Theories of Everything.” Toeism is a fanciful religion for people who don’t really have any interest in religion at all.

If one were to distill the works of Monty Python into one sentence, that sentence would probably be, “What’s all this, then?” In taking a bird’s eye view of human culture, Monty Python provided a refreshing tonic to the seriousness inherent in all the world’s ideologies. Their body of work can be said to constitute a comprehensive worldview, albeit one peered at through novelty spectacles.

Jazzism is the view that the world is basically an improvisational jazz concert writ large. The interactions of the various parts fall in and out of harmony and follow counterpoint and climax just as jazz songs do. To understand jazz music, then, is to understand life itself.

Cyclism is an overarching philosophy which says, not only is life cyclical, but also, it’s better when you spend it on a bicycle. Seeing the bicycle as a metaphor for life itself, cyclists generally exalt freedom, independence, simplicity, resourcefulness, efficiency and ecology in all things.

The follower of Rockism tends to exalt the freedom that comes with the rock and roll attitude, although they may feel that the true Rock path has become endangered by profane forces. To bring back the true spirit of rock is to return the world to rights.

Bokononism is the idea that human beings need to believe in lies in order to be happy. However, what makes Bokononism unique is that its followers are aware that their beliefs are based on lies. Ironically, this means that a Bokononist is actually quite rational, even if they engage in mythic fictions for the sake of psychological well-being.

Loveists believe that love is the most important force in the universe, and that by aligning ourselves with that force, we can not only improve our lives, but also the lives of others, and even the entire ecosystem of our planet.

Futurists look at the world and see unbridled potential everywhere, imagining possibility and looking forward to every new day. To the Futurist, everything is “becoming” rather than being. Consequently, the Futurist is forward-thinking in most things, even as they harbor concerns for humanity’s dystopian tendencies.

Vulcanism is the belief that we can only trust our reason and that emotions are not effective arbiters of truth. That is not to say that emotions don’t have value — they can enhance the quality of life and also inspire hypotheses about the world and its organization.

A religion that sees the world as a living, interconnected, self-regulating and supporting organism. Inspired by the theories of scientist James Lovelock, Rather than looking out to a distant deity in the sky, Gainists see the world itself as the target of human devotion, reverence and caretaking.

Because of its association with the modern word “stoic,” some people assume Stoicism is a very serious way of looking at things, that a Stoicist is someone who is very dour and serious all the time. On the contrary, Stoicists have a great affection for life and all that it has to offer, they just doesn’t get attached to expectations.

ISM is the overarching religious viewpoint that there is a universal human religion, that it doesn’t require metaphysics, and that it can use virtually anything as its vehicle.

Taoism is one of the world’s great religions. Birthed in Ancient China, it also influenced several other religions, including Confucianism (which it mostly opposed) and Buddhism (which it merged with to create Zen). Based on the idea that there is a natural law or “way” at work in the world which gives rise to universal patterns of ethics and organization, Taoism is primarily a metaphysical framework for living.

As introduced on Seinfeld, Festivus is a holiday for “the rest of us”, thus Festivism is a religion for the rest of us. Festivist ritual is largely arbitrary and encourages adherents to make up their own.

In 1978, Douglas Adams created an entirely new way of looking at life, the universe, and everything. Galaxism honors this worldview by enshrining it in a non-religious religion.

Featuring a supportive community, baptismal rituals, and a naturalistic and Zen-like philosophy, surfing has long been considered a spiritual practice by its adherents.

Nomadists love to seek out new environments, cultures and opportunities, seeing it as an opportunity to experience all life has to offer, and to grow intellectually and spiritually.

Like Musists, Rhythmists see the world as made up of vibrations, but they focus primarily on beats and timing. Of course, drummers are the most likely followers of Rhythmism. The practicing Rhythmist is keenly aware of timing, acceleration, syncopation and timbre in all things.

All musicians find the music they play transporting, but Guitarists are a special sect of musician. Part of what makes the Guitarist philosophy unique is the adaptability, portability and flexibility of the instrument. Consequently, the Guitarist philosophy is one of freedom, flexibility and intuition.

You could say that humorists see the world as one big joke. And that’s not a bad thing! Humor isn’t just meant to disparage things, of course, but also to “peer behind the veil” and see what’s really going on. To see humor everywhere is to see that there is much more to the world than meets the eye.

The original Buddhist teachings were largely free from metaphysics and concentrated only on improving the psychological health of human beings. Bodhism concentrates on those original ideas.

Food is one of our greatest pleasures and pastimes and the source of great inspiration and beauty. It’s also one of the easiest and most common ways to show gratitude and generosity to others. Food gives life in a way against which nothing else quite compares. As a worldview, it places emphasis on gratitude, generosity, and creativity.

Dudeism is essentially a modernized version of Taoism which uses the film The Big Lebowski as its primarly liturgical vehicle. You can visit Dudeism (The Church of the Latter-Day Dude) at www.dudeism.com

Bikerism was birthed in the post WWII period, largely as a response to the alienating effects of industrialization. Today, spiritual motorcyclists continue the tradition in several different sects.

Motorism appeals to lovers of motorized vehicles. The freedom afforded humanity by mechanized travel has also transformed its consciousness and culture. Motorists are great fans of Nomadism, travel and general Hedonism.

Budism is a religion which takes the smoking of cannabis (marijuana) as its highest sacrament and avenue towards spiritual understanding and bliss. Bud, of course, is a colloquial term for cannabis. Budist philosophy generally counsels going with the flow, not worrying about what other think, and enjoying the simple pleasures that life has to offer.

The ancient Chinese religion of Confucianism and the practice of Kung Fu both originated around the same time. Kungfucionism sees them as complementary, representing both social and individual paths to development.

Not to be confused with Daoism, Dowism takes its name from the Dow Jones Industrial Average, an index of the US stock market. Essentially, it sees economic development as a form of spiritual growth. Of course, the idea of a religion based on the financial market might seem very strange to some people, but if we look at the Dow (and the financial growth it impiles) in the right way, we can see it as a metaphor for human development.

Hedonism appears in many of the world’s philosophies and religions. Given that human beings are fundamentally driven to attaining pleasure, this is no surprise. The question, of course, is how to achieve pleasure (or its various aspects, such as contentment), and how to do so ethically.

Informationism is a religion which sees the world as made up of information. By understanding information and its principles we can better understand the world.

The follower of Yogism is generally someone who believes in the practices of yoga but not necessarily the cosmological and metaphysical aspects that come with it.

The Bodist religion is one which focuses on the human body, and sees its development and modification as the most efficient way to achieve spiritual enlightenment. Through exercise, sport, adventure, etc, the Bodist finds that they are better able to control their world and find meaning in the tangible aspects of human life.

Existentialism is a worldview that exalts human freedom and authenticity above all else. Existentialists believe that most people merely follow the expectations of society and so are never truly “alive.” To live existentially (and so, fully), one must drop all pretense and be as true to their own views and needs as possible.

A follower of Tattooism finds spiritual satisfaction in honoring their soul by decorating their skin. As with Bodists, the exaltation of the human body is seen as exaltation of the spirit as well.

Artism is the practice and philosophy of trying to see beyond the explicit forms of the world. Artists help humanity see that there are other ways to look at the world beyond our own personal and limited perceptions. In helping to expand our consciousness this way, Artists ensure that our understanding and appreciation of the world is endless and always growing.

Jediism is inspired a great deal by Daoism. Essentially seeing the universe as a duality of dark and light, the Jediist tries to push the balance to the light and keep the dark at bay.

Epicurus was one of the most popular and influential ethical philosophers in Ancient Greece. He taught that pleasure was the greatest goal in life, but that to attain it one had to simplify their desires and expectations. By developing modesty and broadening one’s understanding of the world, people could find serenity and happiness. (The modern term “epicurean” misrepresents the original philosophy.)

The concept of “naturalism” is fundamental to most religions – the idea that there is a natural order and moral structure to the world, and that we need to align ourselves with them in order to live well. Naturalism in our context places an emphasis on admiring nature as a means to reconnect with our natural selves.

Though humanism today tends to be associated with secular movements, they often tend to harbor a “spiritual” component in the sense that they sympathize with the religious impulse and try to harness it. To this end, they often embrace the mythological and symbolic elements of traditional religion, even if they reject any notion that they are factually real.

Like the Existentialists, Hippieists believe that freedom of lifestyle and personal expression are crucial for humans to reach their full potential and to be truly alive. However, they’re a lot more optimistic than the Existentialists, incorporating a Hedonistic ethos in which the pursuit of pleasure plays a large part.

Nudists (also called Naturists in some countries) are people who find spiritual meaning in not wearing clothes. While the advent of body coverings allowed humans to survive in cold weather, their use in warm weather is relatively unnecessary.

Saganism is a form of Scientism which looks to the late scientist and presenter Carl Sagan as the apotheosis of how popular science should be regarded and presented. Sagan managed not only to make science interesting and fun, but he also was an impressive multi-disciplinarian who showed that Science is more than just an experimental method — it can be a way of looking at the world.

Believers in traditional religions like to argue that Science is also a religion. And while most scientists reject that idea, Scientists embrace it! The religion of Scientism upends the criticism by pointing out that there is no firm definition of the word religion.

Many if not most religions are deeply concerned with the question of who created everything. Creativists are also interested in the power of creativity but more so that they can harness it and/or appreciate it. The Creativist is one who sees everything in the world as unfolding and becoming something new and unique, while still paying homage to everything that has come before.

Musists find their spiritual sustenance in music. The mystical, emotional, and intellectual experiences derived from music can have a profoundly religious effect on those especially sensitive to its inspirations and complexities.

Eroticists believe that sexual union with other people is the best way to achieve spiritual union with the universe. In merging bodies, we lose our egos and stop seeing ourselves as separate from the world.

Budo refers to the philosophical and ethical code of the Japanese samurai, as well as the range of Japanese martial arts still practiced today.

Ikeaism is inspired by the Swedish furniture store company which has taken over the world (parts, anyway) and changed the way many people feel about home and home furnishings. This Zenlike style can be applied to all aspects of life – placing functionality and logical form over pointless gaudiness and needless accessory, and reducing waste and extravagance. It could be called “Sven Buddhism”!